Interview with The (Evil) Queen
by ShadowDianne
Summary: "All of you know my story, the story of how I became the Evil Queen and how I became a mother but there are dark places that aren't in the book, that never were. And I wonder, sometimes, if it will change something if I told you how I became a Queen after becoming a widow without being married in the first place."
1. Chapter 1

A/N "The entire chronic of how Regina became the Evil Queen since she was given to the King until she became the "evil step-mother" that Snow loves to talk about. By Emma Swan, Storybrooke, Main"  
>I always wondered how Regina could become the seductress that she is in the present, that change, subtle but there, is not adressed in the show so I decided to write the "hidden" story about it and who and what helped her to turn out who we all love and see.<p>

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

PART 1.- Autumn and Winter

I take a look at the house one more time before knocking the door, I know she is expecting me and I know that she half expects my hesitation so I straighten my back and set my jaw decided to show her that she hasn't got any influence on me.

I'm not nervous or afraid, we have arrived to the point in which neither of us feels threatened by the other, we are friends, even if we don't say it with that many words. I suppose when you have seen what the other can do in their worst is only a matter of time that you start caring for the other.

Finally, the door opens but she isn't there and I roll my eyes a little at this because she is, obviously, using her magic and I wonder if she is as uncomfortable as I am with all of this. As I go across the hallway I look at the pictures that are on display on the walls: Henry is almost a constant in all of them as well as her, a smile in her face, a smile that only touches her eyes when she is looking directly at Henry.

In most of them, though, is only Henry looking back at the camera, his smile slowly disappearing as he gets older, maybe as he realizes that something is off in Storybrooke.

I find her sitting in her study, two glasses already in the table and seated in one of the couches that she had only and exclusively for visits, I have been here before, the first time the very first night of my arrival so I simply sit in front of her as I look at her natural beauty trying to appear unfazed by it.

But we both know that she has an effect on me. And maybe she likes that already too much.

"I was starting to think that you wouldn't want to come" Says and her tone is sincere as well as her voice that is laced with dark promises that make the hair at the back of my neck stand.

But two can play that game so I nodd before signaling the notebook and the pen that I have carried with me.

"I wanted to come" I reply and I can see the amusement that appears behind her eyes just for one second before she recovers her usual demeanor; her lips already parting in a smirk, the soft light of the place making them fuller as well as her voice that now is brimmed with something close to sexual innuendo.

"I see, I understand why are you here then, Miss Swan" I almost scoff at that: We are both playing our parts and we know it but we keep playing them because that way it will be much interesting all of this. And less awkard.

After the last debacle the city council seated and decided that it was time to admit that not all villains were still villains and they decided to make a new census, Regina dismissed the idea thinking that no one would be ever interested in such a thing but turned out that she had been wrong; not only the villains but the "good people" wanted to write their own stories so the book had turned to be one of the most important things in Storybrooke and Belle was the keeper of every single piece of this stories, stories that had transformed the once dusty book into something more complex.

Ruby told to whoever that wanted to hear that the book was the only thing that told the truth of every single one of us.

Except me and Henry of course but that didn't bother me as much as it should have been.

Regina was the only one at the end of all of this haven't told her story to anyone, not Belle, not Rumple and not Henry as she had claimed that her story was hers to tell. After weeks trying to make her write the story the council had finally decided that Regina could keep her story secret if that was her will but, one night after a couple of drinks in her house, she had admitted that she was scared of being repudiated by her story, a story that wasn't good or bad but only a list of "mistakes" as she had worded. Seeing her so full of regret and fear made me ask what, until now, nobody had seemed to think that was the best question to ask her "Do you want to tell me all of your story as I take notes?, you can always burn them once you have finished but, at least you would tell to someone what happened to you"

I feared that I had went too far when she looked at me with dark eyes, the shadows of the room growing around me and I gulped a few times ready to back off, our friendship still something that I didn't know how to compute. But then she sighed and whispered, her voice low, raw and tender, that her story was private, sacred.

I left that night without an answer and it took her two weeks to call me and say two simple words before hung up.

"Come, then"

And now here we are, looking at each other, the notebook in my lap and the pen between my fingers, as she looks at me with that look of balanced power and control that gave me the first time that she saw me. "You never had that kind of power with me, Regina" I say and she raises one eye brown before smile indulgently at me. Something that I am more than familiar with as we both know that what I have just told her is a lie.

"I know what kind of power I had" Answers and she crosses her left leg, the skirt raising up, the calf making visible and the lean muscle that hides behind the skin making noticeable with the same light that keeps making her lips fuller and curvier than usual, she knows how to play her part. That's for sure.

"The first time that I did this it was more complicate than this, Emma" admits and I don't need to be told what she is talking about. "I was a kid, true, but that wasn't the reason behind my decisions or difficulties of being and acting just like I am doing right now"

"And why did you make those decisions then?" I ask and she laughs a little, her voice barely escaping her throat and I know that she has already started.

"You promised that here wouldn't be any prejudices, and you won't tell a soul what I tell you, not even Henry, specially not him" Her voice sounds strained but her eyes and face are as relaxed as ever, the fire that is usually burning inside her eyes is melting away, transforming, changing its original form and translating itself to her voice, her chest, her vocal cords making her seem stronger than what a simple sentence looks.

"I promised you that" I answer to that and with just a simple sentence Regina opens her mouth again, sips her glass full of cider and starts to talk, letting her voice wander in my brain like the autumn wind.

"If you really want to know the Queen you will need to understand first what the Queen was before becoming truly a monarch, not only by title but by acts"

* * *

><p>I was eighteen when I was crowned as a Queen; my mother arranged everything once Daniel was dead so I barely needed to say goodbye to the cottage that had been my home for those years before I was sent to one of Leopoldo's castles, the one from I was going to reign that land in the following years albeit I didn't know that in that moment.<p>

I was sent there six months before the wedding, my mother wanting to eviscerate my love for Daniel as it was some kind of disease and I distinctly remember how she burned the old bed that had been his only house while he lived under our roof.

It was a cold a day, the autumn already changing into winter albeit the real winter nights weren't near yet; the wind was blowing and it brought me the sounds of horses and memories, mixed with the pain that Daniel was no longer there. The bed was just as he had left it before coming to me: a pile of clothes at the floor at the back of the stables and a mattress made of straw and cotton. Even now I can see how my mother made me watch at her side as she burst in flames the mattress, a ball of fire and light bathing the clothes before starting to consume them. I remember throwing myself at the ardent fire, trying to protect his things, trying to grab something that I could keep but it was no use, the fire scorched my skin and the smoke made me cry while, whenever I touched something that it was his, my mother revived the fire until there was nothing left.

I don't know how much I spent there, kneeled in the dirt, my skin marred with the fire that my mother had provoked. I know that, at some point, my mother left after remembering me that he could have lived if I had been strong enough, I also know that when the night came and even the ashes weren't even warm my father came and put me a blanket, trying to protect me from the cold. I don't know if I slept but I can recall opening my eyes and seeing my mother in front of me taking care of my wounds, making them disappear as well as the holes in my dress. "You need to be presentable" she said with a cold voice and I only nodded, tears rolling off my cheeks as I thought how Daniel could have made everything better.

The carriage came short after that and I found myself going to the summer castle of the king, every belonging that I had in two trunks and my mother at my side. Soon after I discovered that one of the trunks contained the body of Daniel that my mother had put in a spell that made him look like he was in a timeless sleep. Still now I don't understand exactly why she did that but a part of me thinks that she wanted to keep me at bay, making me have present what she could do and what I couldn't. After her disappearance I was the one that kept Daniel in that spell, trying to have him with me as long as I could but that is something that will be explained in time. I can remember the pain that overcome me when I finally opened that second trunk and discovered the subterfuge but that happened after my arrival to the castle.

The summer castle was divided in four different wings, my chambers only a fraction of what I considered the habitable wing at the top of the highest tower. I was led there after our arrival by two guards that didn't acknowledge me; their names were James and Balan and died when the ogres started a new war. They both were men with family, Balan with two girls, once of them three years shy my age but I never met them.

My chambers were, as I have said, at the top of the highest tower preceded by a corridor in where thousands of portraits hung, showing the previous monarchs and their spouses, all of them looking at me with void eyes and vacant smiles. The place was dark and a chill crossed my spine when I first saw the wing where I was going to live from then.

That particular wing of the castle was divided in three different rooms, the bedroom, the bathroom and what was assumed to be the headquarters in which I was going to pass almost all my waking time until my marriage given that my mother had said to the guards that I couldn't go out until the king allowed such action.

The first chamber had a huge balcony that showed the kingdom, the village and commoners at my feet as it was my liberty. I remember approaching the balcony and wonder if there was a spell that could make me fly far away for that reality. Daniel was no longer with me but his ring was, hidden in the cuff of my dress, safe from the hands of Mother who could have melted it in the spot and when the guards left me with the trunks I seated in front of them and started to cry silently, hoping to not be heard by anyone.

That night after I had been bathed by two maids whom I don't remember the names Mother came and opened the largest trunk, I recall her smirk and her words, soft as velvet as she made me see the corpse of Daniel, I remember trying to fight, to reach, to touch his hand, thinking foolishly that I could stop her if Daniel and I touched each other but, when her magic restrains finally gave up and I touched the cold skin of what had been a man full of life I realized that he was death.

And that he wasn't going to come back, not this time at least.

The sound of her laugher hunted me long after she was gone with Daniel's corpse; a young man with soulless eyes helping her.

I didn't kill that man when I have the occasion but there are times in which I wonder what I could have done in that moment, or in the moments that followed that first night in the castle.

* * *

><p>I look at her, completely transfixed by her story and she smirks knowingly as she approaches me. A few hours must have passed judging the change of the shadows in the table but I haven't realized it until now.<p>

"Careful, Miss Swan, I wouldn't like to inform the authorities that you have passed out in my couch" Says with her eyes half closed in satisfaction and I glance at my notebook that it's still completely blank.

"I think that it's better if I only record you" I said and she nods, her eyes still burning my body.

"Very well then, shall I continue?"

I nod forgetting the outside world as she starts to talk again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Sorry for the wait, I want this story to be perfect and it's not always easy to have time to write it but I hope that everyone likes this second chapter.**

Days and Nightmares

For the following week I didn't sleep more than a few moments, I passed my days and nights thinking of how I could escape from the castle.

I memorized every route and every guardian's name and I even tried to speak with a few ones but they had been told to not speak with me or permit me do anything. My mother didn't trust me and she wanted me as broken as possible. Sometimes she would come, normally in the first hours of morning when I had used to go to see Daniel and she looked at me from her height as I laid in the bed, too weak to try to do something about her presence. Slowly but surely the terror and sadness started to become hate but somehow she knew that even before I started to even considerate that I was more than terrified of her.

Leopold never come, I still don't know if that was my mother's doing or his own but I didn't saw him for the first week of my imprisonment, something that I was grateful for because I couldn't see him as every awaken moment I spend thinking of Daniel and how was his body, hidden in somewhere too far for me to reach.

I remember vividly one nightmare that kept occurring whenever my eyes dropped; I was back in the cottage and I tried to find him, in my dream he was still alive and I hadn't any recollection of his death. However, when he didn't answer I started to feel worried and I run towards the stables in there he was, laying in the dirt, unconscious, unmoving and then it struck: He was death.

I don't know how many times I dreamed about giving him a true love's kiss but deep down I knew that he wouldn't be able to return from the death and somehow my mother always knew when I had those kind of dreams because every time that I had those… daydreams she entered in my room.

Sometimes she didn't say anything and only stared at me, some other times she only scowled and made me feel tiny, powerless, some other times she simply choke me until I started to think that I was going to pass out. But she never talked about Daniel, not that first week at least.

But somehow that tacit silence about him between both of us was eating me alive, not knowing and wanting to believe that, somehow, he could have defeated death made my despair even worse. I supposed that I started to loose myself.

Since I couldn't do anything I passed my days and nights looking at the ceiling of my bedroom, the servants were there just a few minutes every day so I didn't speak for days and the emptiness feeling only eased a little whenever I could watch the stars in the sky, they remained me of him in some naïve way.

The seventh night that I spend in the castle I remember than there was a storm approaching the kingdom and the sky was entirely black, even the light of the moon was gone, and when I looked at the sky and I saw nothing I suddenly felt as if Daniel had abandoned me.

Desperation took over and I started screaming and crying until the guards opened the doors, I remember hearing them, running in the corridor and trying to get me, I also remember how I tried to escape from them.

It was, obviously, a foolish thing to do, the next morning; the eight after my arrival, my mother asked Leopoldo if she could put curtains in my bedroom.

I didn't saw the stars until much later.

The other thing that changed after that first week was Snow, she hadn't even approached me when I first arrived but after that seventh night she started to come to my bedroom and made me play with her, something that made my skin ache and my eyes burn. She was a lovely child but also an egotistic one and her lack of manners was something that I deeply started to hate. So much that most of the times I found myself looking at her neck and thought about snapping it. Some other times I simply thought about running off with her and achieve some kind of way to escape the kingdom. And from my mother's influence.

But I still had a naïve disposition so I simply tried to be her friend instead of her mother. Something that she was happy about because she saw me as a sister not a mother figure, it was with her who I talked for the following days and thanks to her I started to know a little better the castle and how it was apart from the walls that kept me in.

The chambers that I was in had been the previous Queen chambers, she had never lived in them but Leopoldo had made them built for his wife, I supposed that the place in where I slept had been where the loom was in but I never had the confirmation. I also learnt that my mother and my father were living in the castle as I suspected and even if my mother's had always terrorized me the idea that my father was in the same place that I was without trying to see me made me sick.

And with that simply way, through the words of a girl my mother started to put the seed of my anger, anger at my father, anger at everything and everyone that didn't try to help me.

Other thing that changed was the guards, at first they had been at the other side of the door, barely talking to me so I had try to hear them to memorize their routes and patrols albeit with little success, but as Snow started to pass more and more time with me the guards moved to the first room, the principal chamber in where they kept and eye both in Snow and me.

Slowly they started to stay even after Snow had gone and by the fourteenth night I had lost all kind of privacy, the only modesty that I had left was whenever I took a bathroom, moment in where they didn't follow me.

Many people could think that I was scared about that fact and yes, I was, but also that made me recover a little of hope because if the rules were being changed that meant that I could do something to help me escape.

One day, approaching the first month of my arrival, Snow asked me why I was in such as dark place all day and she asked me, concerned if I was sick. Her voice trembled when she asked me that and for the first time I realized that she had lost her mother due to an illness, something that almost the entire kingdom knew at that point.

My kinder part, the part in where I was still a child, felt sorry for her and anger towards me because I hadn't remember that fact until that day, the bitter and dark part o me only wanted to tell her to stop asking me questions that I couldn't answer.

But I still had hope about my future so I smiled and assured her that I was fine.

Then, I remember this as if it had been yesterday; she looked at me and smiled her hands and neck covered with the sparkle of my diamonds, the one that my mother had given me as a bribe in one of her last visits.

Now I realized that it wasn't only a bribe but I way to make me thing that I could do something against her, a trick, a lie, but in that moment I only wanted to think that she had started to understand me.

As I was saying Snow looked at me and smiled cheerfully, her smile also picking up the faint light from the torches and asked me if I could go with her in a visit through the castle. Knowing that that was impossible for me I only smiled and shook my head and she left short after that leaving me much earlier of what had become normal between us.

The following day I found myself waking up to see my mother's smirk, the same smirk that she had been wearing for the past month.

"Congratulations" She said "At least you have managed to charm the girl, she wants you to be her escort while she is inside the palace."

Her words were caustic as it were her eyes and corrosive smirk but I only nodded, defeated, it was still too early for me to try to do something about her or about what had happened before our arrival. That was what Daniel's death had become every time that I thought about it in front of my mother, the pink elephant in the room.

From that day on I started to see more of the castle, her chambers, bigger than mine and in the same corridor than her father's was the first thing that I saw, they were certainly beautiful and full of little presents that different nobles had given to her and that made me realize that Snow was more loved that I had thought, she may not have a mother figure anymore but she wasn't alone and that created a flame of jealousy inside my chest.

Jealousy that grew in the following years as she also grew up and become more loved something that I never achieved.

* * *

><p>I look at her as she pours herself another glass full of cider, it's her third but her demeanor hasn't change, she is as collected as ever and her eyes never waver.<p>

Her smile has turned colder, though, and that makes me shiver a little.

"Afraid?" Asks as she sips slowly from her glass and I look at mine who is still my first, it's still half full so I lick my lips and I drink, forgetting that the recording keeps going.

"Never" I say and I can see the flash of something very close to respect crossing her eyes just for a second before she puts her glass in the table once again.

"Not even a little bit scandalized? You don't look like your mother's daughter" Says and then I can see the raw pain that she is experimenting, just under the surface of her words and eyes but I also know that she will never admit that so I simply smirk back at her and in my deepest voice I answer what we both know by now too well.

"I'm not only a daughter"

She laughs at that, a deep, throaty sound that makes my eyes wander through her body without realizing it and I close them when they reach her own eyes that are full of mirth.

"Got you" She murmurs and even if the tone is playful we both know that in reality it's not.

"Not like that" I mutter in response and she tilts her head as she points at the recording as she eyes me carefully now, the long shadows of the late evening entering inside the room and made the place look even more secluded than before.

"May I continue?"

I simply nod as I took another sip, ready to listen a little more.


	3. Chapter 3

Words and touches

I know how I am portrayed in this little world; as a woman afraid of Snow White because of her vanity but there are a lot of things that the story never tells and even today I don't understand why my story was condemned to be a story about the greed of a woman who wanted to keep her beauty. Nevertheless, I never desired Snow's beauty but her freedom was something that I wanted as I needed air in my lungs. She was free and happy, a happiness that I didn't felt as a child and whenever I was around her her presence was the painful reminder of what she was going to be and what I wasn't going to see because of the future in which I had been boxed in.

My jealousy started the first time I saw her chamber, much less windy and freezing than my own and with the opportunity to actually see the sun and the stars if that was the case. In my state I even had jealousy because Daniel could see her as she slept, something that he couldn't do with me as I was kept in the dark every hour of the day, my only moments of sun the ones in which I was with Snow.

At the second or third week of that second month my mother started to be with me more, talking to me and looking like the perfect mother to Snow which was also with me most of the time at that point of my life. Her chatter and smile making me cringe every time, transforming my despair in distaste under the gaze of my mother who smirked to herself every time she saw my tired eyes. And when the night approached and she exited my chambers she always smiled wickedly at me as the guards kept guarding my short and violent sleep.

That was the first error that my mother committed in front of me and as I was tarved for human contact and freedom I started to talk with the guards each night, whishing that, maybe, one of them decided to talk with me and told me something. They were always the same ones, skillfully directed by my mother, one tall and lanky and the other one short and bulky with maroon eyes and a scar marring his left eye.

The first nights both guards didn't acknowledge me or my cries whenever I woke up and even if I tried to make them talk they kept looking ahead of me, her faces expressionless as I asked them how was the world of the exterior. I remember telling them of how I rode when I was at home, of how many hours I passed taking care of Rocinante, of how I loved the sky above my head as I run and run from the cottage that had been my house but not my home since I was little. I talked and talked, avoiding Daniel because his name made my heart bleed and sometimes I even managed to smile for a short period of time, lost in my happy memories, until I opened my eyes and I saw that I was still in that chambers with those two guards that kept looking at me compassionless.

There were times in which I fell into a frenzied rush and I started talking about how I was going to escape and there were moments in which I barely could breath, the lack of light making me nauseous every time that a ray of light entered into the room.

And it was one of those moments in which I only felt the hole that was in my chest and the despair of being a property when the guard with the scar smiled at me. It was something little, almost imperceptible but his smile was real and there and it made me smile in return because I felt heard for the first time in weeks.

He smiled at me whenever my mother entered in the chambers and little by little I started to return his smiles more strongly, feeling that, maybe, I could escape from there after all. I tried to make him talk but I learnt that he was from another land and he could barely understand me, but his kind eyes eased the pain that the knowledge that I was stuck without exit brought me. He never told me his name, or maybe he did but I couldn't understand him so, after a few days on communicating through smiles I decided to call him "Scar" and he answered to that name every time that I asked for his help whenever I had a bad dream.

The other guard, another man for that same reign, didn't say anything but I could see the nervous glances that he made towards "Scar" so I decided to maintain my distances with him, afraid that he could told my mother about my friendship with the other guard.

The presence of "Scar" made me believe that I could actually scape and turn into someone different than my mother, without magic and darkness corrupting my soul. As you see I was wrong but his soothing words acted as a balsam each time that I cried for Daniel. Even if I didn't understand them.

The first time that I can recall his voice was at the third or fourth day of the third month; we were going to Snow's chambers and he and his partner were escorting me through the castle, from time to time I could see some of the servants but none of them looked at me. Much later I discovered that my mother had kept them under her control, making them fear me in her attempt of making me a Queen, for Mother the fear was the most powerful ally and so she used it even when I didn't want to take part in the impending wedding.

That time I could look through one of the windows of Snow's chambers as she chatted happily about her classes and I remember looking at the sun and the now less green fields that circled the castle and the king's reign. The winter had finally arrived and the nights and days in the castle were cold and with the never ending feeling of wetness that filtered through my clothes even if I was totally covered with them. But Snow wasn't aware of that fact and she smiled happily as she told me about her birthday party and what she was going to wear. Even if her voice was sad because of her mother's death she still had the naïveté of a child and the desire to have parties and laughs around her and because of the mix of her voice with the sudden desire to ride a horse and go as far as I could I felt how a vortex of desperation and anger grew inside of me, making me sweat and tremble slightly with every new word that fell from Snow's lips.

I remember how my fingers started to tremble as my lungs tried to function properly but without avail, my breath turned ragged and my vision filled with dark spots as one voice in my mind commanded me to run, to break free and ride until the end of the world.

Because of my trembling the book that I had attempted to read as Snow continued with her monologue fell from my lap and as I bended blindly, trying to caught it and pretend that everything was fine a strong hand touched my back and gave me my book.

"Just a few minutes" He whispered before turning back to his post, his eyes cold and impenetrable when his partner looked at him questioningly. His accent thick and his words broken but the softness of his voice calming me enough to make me realize that I was suffering a panic attack and with that knowledge and his kind eyes behind me I managed to breathe again and when Snow's eyes looked at me full of happiness I smiled, feeling secure once again.

* * *

><p>She stops talking and drinks, her eyes are tired and I wonder how much she is leaving out to preserve herself. The record keeps her work and my notebook lays untouched between us.<p>

The silences lengthens and I start to think that maybe she doesn't want to talk anymore, that we have reach the breaking point and she is going to ask me to leave.

I look at my hands and I sigh softly before starting to smile at her, her eyes still looking at something that I doubt is really here with us. As I prepare myself to say goodbye she starts talking again, her voice soft and tender, her previous demeanor forgotten. And as she starts talking I can see again the woman that I always see when I look at her, the strong woman, the imperfect woman, the real woman and not her mask; the mask that she has been wearing since I have entered in this house.

* * *

><p>Since then we both talked from time to time and he tried to give me leaves from the other side of the walls. "It isn't much" He used to say but those leaves represented my freedom and I thanked him every each of them.<p>

However as the days passes my mother's visits were more frequent and longer making almost impossible for us to talk or communicate and the day prior to Snow's birthday my mother finally told me what she had been scheming that past month: I was going to be seated next to my future husband as her future spouse in that party.

"We need them to love you, not only fear you but respect you" Said as I felt that now familiar symptoms of a panic attack rising inside my chest, the mere idea of being perceived as another's man spouse that wasn't Daniel making me wanting to pass away.

"Mother" I said but she didn't listen to me.

"Your father and I are going to be there, I hope you are going to be the woman I have teach you to be. You are going to be loved, dear."

And so I started to prepare myself to see Leopold, my King and husband.

* * *

><p>She stops again and bites her lips for a few seconds before standing up and walking through the window as I look at her from the couch in where I have been for the last hours.<p>

"Will you tell everything?" She asks and when she turns and looks at me I shake my head because I feel that there is something that she had been trying to protect.

"No if it's not necessary to write it" I say and she chuckles before approaching me, her eyes full of sorrow.

"Why I believe you?" Mutters before she takes her glass and I simply shrug, not sure if she really is questioning me.

"I want to listen" I finally say and she smiles darkly as she looks as something that, once again, is not there.

"Those first months were dark" She starts "But what I'm going to tell you was the first step on my dark path. And it's always difficult to remember the nightmares that I caused"

I nod and raise my hand, totally and completely subconsciously until she moves and I retreat my hand and the promise of my touch.

"Sorry" I say, but she is deep in thoughts as she starts again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Well, here is another chapter, I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to write this chapter but I have just finished with my exams (in my university the exams takes place after the winter holidays) so I couldn't make it sooner.**

**Tell me what you think**!

Deaths and knowledge

Sometimes I wonder if, deep down, I knew that that night was going to change my perspective of what I had started to feel secure around me. I suppose that as my mother's daughter I was waiting for the other shoe to drop but I still can't know if I knew or I preferred to act as if that truth wasn't there for me to pick.

The bottom line of what happened in that party was that it changed and destroyed whatever trust I had in that moment inside that palace and, with that, it took the last remains of trust that I felt for Snow White. Not my love for her, however, since that came much later in time.

As my first attendance as the soon-queen-to-be the whole castle seemed interested in that I needed to appear perfect to the noblemen and women that were going to attend the princess birthday, the joyous celebration only darkened by the memories of Snow's mother.

After my mother's talk with me, "Scar" and the other guard had been there for me in their stoic silence, a tenuous connection that made me strong against the headaches and attacks that sometimes shook my body until I couldn't breathe anymore.

Nevertheless the moment of the celebration arrived and I was actually feeling quite animated since this was going to be the first time in some time that I was actually going to be able to talk to another people that weren't my mother or Snow. Also the perspective of being a step closer of the opportunity to scape made me smile with giddiness as the maids tried to clothe me, their eyes refusing to look mine for more than a few seconds.

When I finally marched through the door that led to the other parts of the castle I smiled at Scar who was walking a few inches behind me, his tight-lipped smile giving me the reassurance that I needed when I heard the titles that I already possessed, inherited by my father's regal blood, being called into attention.

I certainly cannot tell you about that party since I was adamant of finding my father but I can remember Leopoldo's much large hand taking mine as we were the second couple starting the dance, the first one the King with the princess that smiled at me as I tried to spot my father, her omnipresent sad eyes failing to appear as I grew frantic, feeling the smirk that my mother was directing at me as she ate and talked as politely as possible with the old King.

As the party grew on happiness with the wine starting to take its toll once Snow went to her chambers ready to sleep I started to feel uncomfortable under several lecherous gazes that some of the noblemen were directing at me; the raw words that even the king said to me, slurred by the alcohol in his system, made me want to vomit.

After the few first hours of the princess leave and once almost all of men and women were having difficulties to voice more than two to three words at the same time I decided that I couldn't breathe, the air rancid as it was filled with the scent of wine and the faint aroma of wood and rain that seemed to impregnate every single corner of the castle so I stood up and, looking for my mother who seemed to have disappeared, I walked around the place as I tried not to think that in a few more months I was going to be the queen of that long list of brutes.

* * *

><p>Sighing she nods to herself and keeps talking, my own body starting to feel restless as I feel that something is going to change.<p>

* * *

><p>As I walked through the corridors I tried to think if I could escape the castle that night, leaving to not return ever again but as both "Scar" and my other guard followed me I knew that I couldn't go without Daniel, his unmoving body the core of my nightmares whenever I succumbed to sleep.<p>

After so many days listening to Snow I knew that my mother chambers were in the same wing that I was in that moment and with a sudden resolution, praying that my mother wasn't in there in that very first moment, I turned and marched towards her rooms, my two guards following me silently. Scar watching me with intense eyes as I stopped before the door that led to the chambers in which Cora lived.

Once I opened the door I was greeted by an incredible amount of darkness and coldness that encircled me for a few seconds making me want to turn around and hide from Mother's magic but as I looked at my right where Scar stood as tall as he was I nodded once before fixing my mind; Daniel had loved me with my mother risk over our heads and he has even tried to talk to her in his last living moments. I couldn't leave his corpse and maybe, just maybe, true love worked this time and after kissing him he would finally open his eyes.

Foolish thoughts I had but after taking a few more moments I entered, closing the door at my back once both Scar and the other guard entered, their dark skin paling slightly as another wave of cold reach us.

* * *

><p>She stands and walks towards the window; her voice refusing to keep telling what I suspect is something that she had tried to not think about it for the last decades.<p>

"You don't need to tell me" I mutter while standing myself but I know that it's fruitless, she is too stubborn and she will never admit that she is scared. As well as we will never admit that the game we play it has long transformed into something else.

And just I suspected she turns and gives me her most challenging smile as she moves once again, this time sitting in my previous seat as the recorder keeps collecting every single word of hers.

"You want to know" Says with a dark trace of humor touching her voice "And if you ever wanted to know why or how this is how everything ends for that girl"

I sigh and I seat in the same couch as her, now both of our bodies close enough to feel her body heat from where I am, the recorder and my untouched notebook in the middle of the table next to us, calmly recording what she needs to say.

"Ok then" I mutter softly, my eyes dropping to her mouth for a second before looking back at her eyes that glint softly before keeping with her story, her voice breaking slightly at first.

* * *

><p>The chambers were almost as dark as mine, the thick curtains keeping every ray of moonlight out of the place as the soft light of candles illuminated little spots of the bedroom. A part of me cried when I didn't see my father in there either but I suspected that he wasn't sleeping next to my mother anymore. Nevertheless I started to rummage the place, trying to find something that could lead me to Daniel. I was aware that I was risking the possibility of liberty but I loved Daniel and the mere thought that he would pass the eternity as a frozen statue because of me was something that was making me crazy.<p>

And then, as I read through different books that mother had scattered around I heard a deep chuckle that made my blood freeze in my veins as I slowly turned, the disembodied chuckle turning into a full deep laugh as "Scar" face contorted into a maniac grin.

"You really thought that it was going to be that easy?" Asked a voice at my left as Cora appeared from thin air, her eyes malicious as she held what I instantly knew was "Scar's" heart. "You seem to never learn"

As she finished her words she started to choke "Scar", the large guard falling to his knees as the other guardian remained impassible, as if he had turned into stone.

With a sudden understanding I realized what my mother had seen with sheer clarity; she needed me to keep believing that I could ever trust someone.

And so the mistake that I had thought that my mother had committed turned out to be another delicate and thoughtful plan in which I was, once again, the flea eaten by the spider.

Mother smirked and I can still remember the icy tone in which she talked to me, her right arm touching with disgust "Scar" head as the man tried to free himself for what seemed pure torture, his face making me remember Daniel and what he had endured in order to protect me.

"You need to know, Regina that every single inch of this castle is looking at you, every rock, every dark shadow, every dim light, wherever you go and with whomever you go. I can see you" said Cora as she toyed with the man's heart, the pulsing organ trying to keep beating in order to maintain "Scar" alive. "You are going to be Queen, you are going to teach those peasants who are you, I won't tolerate being mocked because of your foolish thoughts"

That was the last thing she told me after she dissolved Scar's heart, making him cry in pure pain as he finally expired, his body hitting the floor as the other guardian remained unmoving, his jaw clenching tightly as I cried silently, watching for the second time how Mother took whatever hope I had created.

Childishly I wept over "Scar" body as Mother approached the other guard.

"How I need to make you learn that they need you to be your Queen?" Asked mother as I stood there, my eyes locking with the ones of "Scar" that were staring lifelessly back at me.

I didn't answer to that and that infuriated her even more so with another swept of her hand I found myself in the gardens of the castle, the guards that usually guarded the spot as Snow had told me weren't there and as Mother carried the other guard with her I followed her with dread pumping my veins.

I'm aware that I could have started to run and try to reach the other part of the king's lands but as scared as I was I couldn't think of a better plan that follow her, the pain present in both Daniel and "Scar" faces as they had died haunting every step I made towards her.

I recall how I stumbled more than a few times and each time my mind brought me back the broken voice of "Scar" as he tried to cheer me, his kind eyes making me smile even after the strongest of nightmares.

But he was death as so was Daniel.

Daniel, whose body appeared in front of me as Mother stopped and waved her hand once again, the vault that is now in the middle of the graveyard appearing around us as her magic worked and seeped into reality.

Later on I made that vault moved into my personal chambers but until Cora's imprisonment in Wonderland the vault kept hidden as well as the biggest heart collection that one human had ever possessed.

But in those dark times the only thing that I cared for was Daniel and therefore I barely heard her when she laughed and pointed at him, his body looking as if he was only sleeping peacefully.

"Here it is, your very true love, isn't it? The story that you wanted to write for yourself" Said with venom as another wave of fresh tears stained my face, my head moving slowly as I tried to utter the right words.

"But, you see" She said as the other guard moved at his right as he approached the unmoving body of Daniel. "Love is not a thing that you need to worry but power. And Magic. With these things you can create any happy ending that you want, and I'm going to prove it you"

As I stood there the beating of the hearts that she kept there made me squirm with nervousness and fear as my eyes refused to look at Daniel's form.

"What do you want?" I asked, defeated as I realized that she was expecting me to ask her.

"I want you to kiss him. I want you to see that Love is something that can easily be deceived. But power and intelligence are two qualities that never fail us."

I raised my head and I looked at her, I still can feel the coldness of the night as I stare at her gaze and smirk while trying not to tremble under her cold eyes.

Nevertheless she knew that I was going to do what she wanted. She always knew how to manipulate me.

* * *

><p>As I drink I look at her who is toying with her ring absentmindedly, her eyes never leaving the window and the lack of light at this point, with a flick of her wrist she lightens the room and smirks looking at me before speaking again.<p>

* * *

><p>"If I manage to wake him I could go?" I asked and even now I wonder how I managed to talk to her, her eyes lighting up in mild annoyance.<p>

"No. But you can still try to believe in both of you" Answered matter- of -factly and as I approached the coffin in which Daniel rested I had the feeling that I was making a mistake.

I grew up in a world were true love was the most powerful force, there was nothing that true love couldn't do and so I wanted to believe that if I could make Daniel come back to life everything was going to be better, to turn out better.

As you can imagine he never opened his eyes, just like the first time I tried to kiss him after his death.

He was death, as well as gone and as I started to cry I realized that I could never try to trust anybody in that place. Not even who I thought was there to help me.

"You could have this kingdom, why you need me to be the Queen?" I asked with a very little voice, my whole body trembling as my hands kept caressing Daniel's face.

Mother touched my shoulder and I looked at her as she cleaned my cheeks, her authoritative, yet eerie motherly tone making me want to cry once again.

"Because I already have the power I once sought. But I'm not going to sit back watching that that vicious family keeps living, being the ones who make the rules while I'm here. I'm not weak, even if they have forgotten who I was"

And so, as she made both the guardian and I follow her I suddenly knew that all those hearts were the ones of the noblemen and women as well as probably half of the castle.

That marked a new change in the life of the castle and after that night my lessons started. Lessons that were made in order to made me a Queen, the Queen that Mother wanted me to be.

And as Daniel's body remained untouched in that vault I was kept in the castle.


	5. Chapter 5

Lessons and reencounters

Her eyes doesn't waver, even after all the things that she had said to me in the past hours, my hands rest in my lap as I listen to her, the roof of my mouth dry as I try to comprehend everything that she is sharing with me. Her eyes, warm and without the familiar mischievousness that I have grown accustomed to see in them are looking at me. A strange smile playing on her lips as another set of memories start to unfold before us.

* * *

><p>The day after the party, when I was guarded by another set of guardians and I tried to read at the dim candlelight of my chambers, I heard the door that led to the portrait corridor opening and closing. Hurried footsteps approached as I gulped, fearing that my mother had changed her opinion about me or how I fitted in her plan.<p>

Even if I was in the king's castle it was like I have never left my home, the same amount of fear and cowardice could be felt around and inside me and it was that what Mother used to keep everything under her fist.

But this time it wasn't she the one that came into my view, neither they were one of her helpers but a man that I knew very well.

My father's eyes and expression were as sad as ever, her shoulders sunk on his neck as he moved, trying to reach my side as fast as he could. Unfortunately the new guards prevented him to do it so as much as he shouted they didn't let him be as near as we both would have liked.

My father was a weak man, he was a prince without patrimony or power to sell or to use but he had been kind enough to make my mother want to stay next to him and so his strength resided in the way he could love. At least that was what I thought about his relationship with my mother at that time. Now that I know better I can say that my father was probably afraid of my mother but he loved her because he felt that that was his duty; to be loyal both to her and me. His duty was to be near us, even in our darkest hours and he took his duty very seriously even if I'm sure he doubted more and more as the years passed by.

This time, however, I didn't think about that and I simply smiled cautiously at him, not knowing if the man that was standing behind the guards was really my father or another maniacal impersonation that my mother had prepared again to destroy the little hope that I could grow in that castle.

But his eyes, open and with that little glimmer of love that I had seen in them as I grew, made me realize that he was truly my father. I stood and approached his figure, the guards watching my footsteps as well as my father's reactions but they didn't prevented me for walking until I was a few inches away from him, his lips parting, trying to say something.

"Where have you been?" I asked, not letting him utter a single word. Since the events of the night I had passed the biggest amount of my woken hours trying to comprehend where was my father and if mother had done something to him. Seeing that he seemed alive and well made me breath happily but also tremble with dread as the thought that now I was the soon bride-to-be of the King he didn't love me anymore.

My father raised his hands and tried to explain as he eyed at the blades that the guards wore, a small film of perspiration covering his forehead.

"They won't do anything" I said reassuringly but I bit my lips not knowing if that last statement was completely true.

Fortunately, my father seemed to believe me and nodded before starting to explain himself; apparently he had stayed in the cottage, wanting to keep the place as good as ever. It was his duty as one of the sons of his father, he told me. But I suspected that being in the castle wasn't something that he enjoyed either.

"Why… why are you here then?" I asked as I walked at my right, allowing myself a little more space between the guards and my body, my father remaining at the other side but kept talking, his soft voice reaching my ears as I touched absentmindedly the two leaves that "Scar" had brought me a few days earlier. The feeling of loneliness was lesser now that my father was there but I was still trapped and so when he answered with an unusual thing I turned back to him, trying to see his entire face over the guard's bodies.

"What have you say?" Asked, rising my voice a little and I could almost see the proud smile that I knew he had in that moment on his lips; he had always been happy when I showed interest.

"I say that I was here because the King wanted my presence in the castle, apparently the King's daughter loves you but it is believed that it's time to start your studies and being a nobleman, born in the last royal family line the king wanted me to supervise who was going to be your tutor" Replied my father calmly, his words laced with the soft accent that colored his voice when he was excited.

I looked ahead of me, blinking as I tried to understand what wanted the king, and mother possibly, from me, the leaves in my hands moistening as I broke to sweat.

"Studies?"

I could see his head as he nodded before answering my question. "All King and Queen need to know how to run both their kingdom and castle, the Queen needs to know how to rule one, she is not only a noblewoman just as yourself but is also something more. She needs to understand politics as well as economy. She needs to be intelligent, wise, she needs to be the voice of her spouse" His voice was soft but monotonous as if he had learnt that speech by heart and knowing where he had been raised it was possible that that had been the case.

"But I already had tutors back home, why I need to take more classes?" I demanded, trying to understand what this new change would bring me. The classes would be possibly taken into one of the chambers of the inferior levels so it would be easier for me to know more about the guards' shifts. I still wanted to be free, and if I couldn't bring Daniel's body with me I would find a cure for his state. No matter the price.

"You need to have classes since your tuition didn't cover some things that you will need to know about the castle Regina, I have asked by one of my dearest friends back when I was young, he had accepted to be your tutor"

This time I managed to dodge a little the guards and I could saw his face for a few seconds before being pushed away by the two men.

"When I'm going to start my classes?" I asked, rising my voice a little.

"Tomorrow, my child, I will be there for the first weeks, your mother requested my presence as well. She said I was needed."

And then I saw it, I couldn't hurt my father, he was the only one that had really took care of me when I was a child, his presence was a warning as well as a recommendation. I needed to find a way of escaping without him being near me or my mother would make him pay. I doubted that she would have killed him but if I was caught once again the punishment would surely be harsher.

So I merely nodded as my father turned and left the chambers, the guards returning to their posts as I seated once again, the leaves now scattered around the floor as I looked at the closed windows, wondering once again what would Daniel do, or if he could see me. This night the nightmares hit stronger than ever and as I laid there in a total and utter darkness, facing faceless men as Daniel's distorted voice resonated in my ears I vowed to find a way, and to save him from my mother's claws.

* * *

><p>"That doesn't look so bad" I say as her voice stops, her eyes half closed as she finishes her last sentence, my own lids almost closed as I watch her intently.<p>

She smiles once before addressing me, her voice hoarse as she clutches her ring once again, her whole demeanor changing back from the woman I know to the young woman I think I can discern.

"Regina?" I ask, and my own voice sounds strange, the sound filling the space strongly that I would have liked as she remains looking at something that it isn't really there. I wonder briefly where is gone the collected woman that I know, the strong eyes and bedroom voice now vacant from her body as something different, something that I have already sensed and saw, emerges.

"Changes were there" She states after a few more seconds, her voice sounding now tired as she stands, collecting the glasses. "I wasn't as terrified as before, the ache for Daniel's death was turning into something more, a need to accomplish being free at any costs. I was changing but I didn't realize that until many years later, when I was already here. But the changes were real and as I was there, looking at the ceiling, something was there, keeping me naïve and alive just for a few days more"

"Your mother?" I ask as she turns, her smile turning bitter as well as melancholic for a second.

"No, she wanted power and I fell in the same trap after the first years"

"Then?" I ask as I raise my left hand, my fingers grazing the back of her right arm and I can feel how she shivers for a second before steeling herself before my own eyes.

"Then the tuition started"

CORTE

It was Snow the one who came that morning with the first touches of light. I have learnt to measure the amount of time that passed thanks to the shadows that I could discern below the edges of the thick curtains and as I was hearing the chirping of the birds the door opened and Snow's voice filtered across the passage.

She was happy and she told me excitedly about everything that had happened in the party two days before as I kept there, siting with a book between my hands and a vacant smile on my lips, she never noticed and she never would as years went by.

As I fought back to sallow another ball of anxiety and anger I forced to make me remember "Scar's" death and the words that he had muttered on my ear every time I fall into that same frenzied state. Fortunately I managed to remain my composure, the questions about who had really talked to me, "Scar" or mother, was something I stored for another moment, Snow's green eyes piercing mine as she smiled beamingly.

"Sorry" I managed to say at her "I was thinking in something, what did you say?"

Snow pouted but repeated her last statement, her eyes open with glee. "Father told me that you are going to have tutors, I asked if you could study in the library with me"

I blinked as I tried to remember where the library of the castle was and I managed to smile as I suddenly recalled that the place was too far for me to reach the main door without being unnoticed. Fearing that my new predicament was going to make things worst I asked Snow what have answered the King about that. Shaking her head she gave me the answer I needed.

"No, he told me that I'm going to learn those things as I got older so you are going to be on your own. But I managed to make him put your lessons in the same corridor as mine so we can walk over there every morning!"

The last part of her speech was full with happiness and I didn't have the courage or the ill-will to say her no. She was a few years younger than me after all and I managed to smile as she made me leave my room, my own heart pounding as I thought in my father and if he had been able to be there with my tutor.

As usual, I kept my eyes fixed on the floor, the brightness of the sun making them ache accustomed as I was at the perpetual dark that my mother had made me live. My guards didn't left my side and as clacking ghosts she followed both Snow and myself through the corridors until we were at the one that led to the library.

"I will see you later, yours is in the next corner" Snow said as she hugged me fiercely and for a moment, just one, I wondered if I really could be there with her as she wanted me to be. But as she turned and leapt to the craved doors of the library the memory of what had happened months earlier appeared once again on my mind, the smug smile on my mother's face the last thing I saw before I recovered.

As you probably can imagine these visions were her doing but I didn't understand how she did them until later on. From that day I remember entering in another room adjacent to the library, this one dusty and barely bathed in light. Books and papers piled in every surface as candle and a little window gave me enough light to make me see two men sitting in a large table next to the window. One of them was my father, who smiled at me as I rushed and hugged her, tears falling from my eyes as I smelled the faint odor that I had linked with him and freedom, the odor of horses and water.

"The king asks for your forgiveness milady" Said the other man as my father and I detangled ourselves from each other. "He is busy with dignitaries but he said to me that he is very excited about your tuitions and your well-being"

As my eyes focused in the tall, kind-looking man I felt the need to be sincere with him and with my father but a warning cough of the last one made me close my mouth as I nodded as politely as I could.

The man looked as old as my own father but his hair was still dark and his eyes looked more vivacious that my father's, he was slim and his mouth was smiling softly albeit his eyes scanned me briefly before looking back at my father.

"You were right, Henry, it will be my pleasure to teach her."

"Thank you, Galahad" Replied my father and it was then when I remembered the few tales that he had told me when I was younger about the man that was looking back at me with intrigue on his eyes.

"You are the one that helped my father with the skirmish that occurred at the entrance of the woods next to the castle"

Galahad laughed at that and nodded as he signaled me what I supposed was going to be my designated seat.

"Exactly, your father and I were friends until he was married to your mother, then he went to live in another part of the reign and we…"

"Lost touch" Finished my father, siting himself in another chair, his eyes looking at the books that were there with wonder; he had always being a book lover, something that mother despised.

"Well then, my child" Started Galahad, his attention already on me again and I forced myself to look at him with enough attention "First thing I would want you to tell is…"

* * *

><p>Her voice raises a little and I jump, startled as she scoffs a little by it.<p>

"Feeling sleepy?" Asks and her voice has returned to her usual tone but I can see the little tremble on the corner of her lips.

"No, you have startled me, that's all" I reply as I try to hide a yawn, the night is now fully above us and I can feel the tiredness making its toll on my body.

She hums and points at the door.

"Help yourself, we will continue next time you come"

I look at her unbelievingly but I stand as she does the same.

"I will be back tomorrow" I say and this time I can clearly see the tremble on her lips before she smiles tightly, raising her chin haughtily.

"We will see that" She replies and I know that she half expects that I won't come.

But I will.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N So here it's the next chapter. I know we are walking slowly but once we reach the wedding everything is going to be a little quicker, I promise. And since everything is going to get a little more difficult for Regina I'm going to tag the posible trigger warnings.**

**TW: Panick Attack, mention of non consensual sex albeit only in a sentence and without anything written about it.**

**Gifts and punishments**

As the clock tower hits four o'clock I call to her door with my papers under my arm and the recording on my right hand.

I know that I could have balked away and I suspect that Regina wouldn't have said me anything because of it. But I want to be there, listening and understanding her. The idea that I will later need to write all of this is turning something less and less real in my mind.

The door opens on its own once again and I enter, already knowing that Henry won't be there for another few hours since we both talked about keeping all of this as private as possible.

I would also want that if I was telling my whole biography to somebody, even if that somebody was Regina. But that thought is not one that I want to read too much into. Not for the time being at least.

She is there, already seated and with a drink on her lap smiling at me with that secretive smirk that we have shared a few times before.

"You came" She says; quiet enough to act as if I don't have heard her. But I have.

"I can go" I reply softly as I seat in front of her, we both know that I'm not saying exactly that but offering her a scape if she doesn't want to keep doing this.

"Stay" She says as she offers me another drink, her fingers trembling as much as mine tend to do also when I'm nervous. I don't know what to tell her so I do as she asks and when she looks at me I merely nod softly, putting the recording between both of us. We are close but she won't let me comfort her, not now when the light is still bright and the other world is awake so I start doodling, ready to listen to her.

* * *

><p>Galahad was a patient man that spent hours teaching me how to react and what I was going to do once I was crowned queen. As a gentleman he put the effort on teaching me history and manners as well as the little secrets that the other royal families had. My father never said anything while I had those classes and once they were over he went with me to the actual library and left before Snow White's appearance.<p>

We both knew that we couldn't talk together because of my mother's but every now and then my father would told me a quick thing of the world outside that helped me go through those weeks, the past of the time barely phasing me since I now knew where was the thing that I cared most for. In my mother's vault.

I passed three weeks like this, absorbing knowledge and talking with Snow White, barely sleeping and slowly learning tricks that could help me with my, now normal, panic attacks. In that time the King was still missing and I didn't heard of him or my mother, something that helped a little to alleviate my fears.

Then, when the fourth month arrived, the preparations for the wedding started and so the fitting of the dress, the kingdoms that were going to attend and the minimal little details that I needed to know started being whispered in every part of the castle, reaching my lonely chamber whenever the guards opened the door, letting Snow enter, excited and ready to talk with me about how I was going to become his mother.

I didn't have the courage to talk with her about my fantasies, fantasies of being free, so I managed to smile every time she came, reading the stories that Galahad needed me to know over her excited babbling.

Then, at the second week of the fourth month, I entered the place that had been turned out in my only refuge only to find that it was only Galahad who expected me there.

"Where is my father?" I asked while I seated in front of him, my hands nervous as I played with the hem of my dress.

"He is gone, asked to work on his patrimony" Replied Galahad softly as he opened a parchment in which he had been writing what we had already covered.

A soft whimper escaped my mouth, realizing that my mother had already used him on her purposes, it was highly unlikely that I was going to see him before the wedding and I panicked, the feeling of death crawling up my throat. I recall how my mind begged to scream but my body refused, thinking that it was already too late.

It was Galahad who helped me out of that reverie and made me breathe until I could focus on his face once again, his eyes holding mine until I could answer his questions without doubting myself.

"He will return" I remember him saying "He loves you, he will be here in the most important day of your life"

I almost snorted at that but I realized that for him the expected was to be excited since I was going to be married, something that having the years I had was starting to became a little complicated.

I was never and old maiden, you must understand that, but even if I was still too young for people like Galahad and my own mother I was starting to be a lost cause. And maybe that's the main reason behind how the other noblemen and women were so adamant to marry me before I hit the 18 years old. At the end all of that didn't matter since I became Queen the very same day of my birthday but for the man before me all of that was important and my main worry was that my father wasn't going to be there in such a day.

I don't hold rage against him, he died peacefully a few days before the curse and he helped me know the basics of being a good monarch, something that I desperately needed once I was crowned. He did his job and he never talked or looked me down, something that in my stage helped me to see that no all the ones that surrounded me were like my mother.

At that time, however, in the middle of the panic attack I couldn't see that and I merely kept crying once the fear was tucked again inside of me. I needed my father, his laugh, his attentive smile, and this time it was when once I finished my lessons I went in the search of my mother, ready to ask her why she kept hurting me while I was doing everything she had ever wanted for me. Even the life that I didn't want it.

* * *

><p>She stills and I look at her as she stands, nervously looking at the window as a soft sigh escapes her lips.<p>

"Regina" I mutter softly and even if I know that the game that we play is still on I can see how she almost jumps, too caught up on her memories to even remember that she is safe now.

"Miss Swan" She whispers and I want to roll my eyes but I refrain myself to do it as she continues, still standing in front of the light as I watch her from behind, the notebook page filling slowly with doodles as she speaks.

* * *

><p>She wasn't in her chambers and I couldn't exit the castle so I kept walking through the corridors, directed by the guards to return to my rooms. Once I finally arrived at them and the usual darkness filled the space I closed my eyes and I waited for my mother since I knew that she would know where I was. The need for gloating was something that she always had and used on me so I wasn't really surprised when it hadn't been half an hour and I heard her voice talking to the guards, coaxing them to wait outside.<p>

I still remember how my body hurt with the idea of being punished once again, I almost cried for mercy even before we were alone. But I was too tired to even fight and so when I heard the door closing I waited there, opening my eyes a slit only to find her opening the curtains for the first time in months.

"The dress fitting is going to start tomorrow so is better if you have this place in order" She said not looking me in the eye as she removed them one by one until the bright light entered in the room.

I blinked and coughed, half expecting to see her approaching me now that her first task was done.

"The king wants to see you also so is better if you are prepared to him, remember that" She kept talking and I actually shivered with the idea of seeing my soon to be husband but she kept her eyes in other minuscule things, not caring for me in the slightest.

"Mother" I said after a few more minutes, my eyes focused on the floor since the sun hurt me. I knew that I was taking a risk asking her before being given the permission to do it but I needed to know. "Why?"

This was all that took, a question and my mother was behaving herself as I had known her.

"What are you asking me now?" She asked as I felt magic encircling my body, still not attacking me.

"Where is father?" I choked out and I saw the happiness that that brought out to her face.

"Home, he will return only if you keep doing what you need to do" Was the succinct answer and once the magic disappeared from my skin I relaxed, muttering to myself to being as far as magic as it could be even possible. Now I see the stupidity of such words but at that moment seemed easy, possible, logical even.

I remember how she cackled and I thought that she was going to punish me once again. Fortunately for me she wasn't up to it and left without telling anything else, seconds later the guards entered once again, the sun now letting me see their eyes wherever I moved.

That night, when I had spent a considerable amount of time looking at the skies and whishing over silent stars to be saved from my fate, I heard the door of the main corridor open as well as heavy steps on the floor.

It was the King.

* * *

><p>Regina licks her lips and is me the one who shiver this time because I fear what she is going to tell next. Her lips open in a smirk and she shakes her head before replying my silent question.<p>

"It didn't happen this time"

I merely nod and she drinks a little more before continuing, moving next to me and siting just like the first night, our bodies barely touching.

* * *

><p>I feared for my safety, his eyes were dulled by the alcohol and the tiredness and I suddenly felt naked under his gaze, his lips slightly parted as he contemplated me. He was kind to his subjects but I was no fool, I knew that as his wife I needed to comply, and albeit I wasn't his spouse yet I still was going to be his.<p>

I feared but he didn't approached me, his body shielded the torches that the guards held and as I laid on my bed, absolutely petrified, the king spoke, his voice filling the space.

"Since tomorrow morning your classes are going to be moved into the council"

He then turned and moved, letting me alone once again.

That was the moment that everything changed once again, and that's when I met the one who turned me into a Queen.

* * *

><p>She pours the liquor into her glass once again as she smiles secretly, knowing that that last sentence has caught my attention.<p>

"Who?" I ask while she drinks the whole glass without breathing but she doesn't answer me.


End file.
